When I am feeling lost and my life seems out of control, it
always makes me feel better to at least have a clean car.
So in my attempt to pull myself out of my slump I put on a cute
dress and drove to the car wash on my way to the beach for an afternoon
I pulled into the car wash, ordered the basic wash and drove ahead...in that moment the corniest yet heart wrenching song by
Barry Manilow came on…
and the damn that was holding all my emotions in was opened
releasing a tidal wave of tears that had been waiting for this moment to just let it all go “You
know I can’t smile without you, I can’t smile without you, I can’t laugh and I
can’t sing, I’m finding it hard to do anything…You see I feel sad when your sad,
I feel glad when your glad, if you only knew what I’m going through, I just can’t
smile without you” I was transported straight into the tidal wave of my emotions.
How are your communication skills? Do you tell the truth,
are you open about how you are feeling, or do you hide behind yourself?
I believe that communication is the key to true intimacy and
closeness. It breaks down the walls that
separate us and brings us together to share ideas, fears, aspirations and
ourselves with others. This is how we
truly get to know someone.
Now, if your words are a misrepresentation of who you are
because you are not being authentic this is going to create problems in the
future when your actions don’t match your words, and that creates a disconnect
between you and who you are “claiming” to be.
Reflecting on the divine day I shared in the park yesterday with My Mom and my two little angel girls.
It was a quiet day the sun was shining and there were rainbows in the clouds, rainbows always make me think of my dear Grammy who we released in these very waters exactly 3 years ago. Only today I found myself with a frail Mom who has cancer.
I was holding my little girl in my arms. My Mama was watching us with such adoration, looking at us smiling completely present in the moment, I knew there was nowhere in the world she would rather be.
For much of my life I was in business, the real estate
business, but I had to remove myself from the industry because it became too
much of a battle fighting falsehood and lies, it got the best of me and I
became angry, saddened and I felt let down believing that this is how all
people were and how the world worked.
I understand we need to make money, especially now we are
desperate to find work and make a life for ourselves. It just seems that these hard sale tactics and
desperation is what has given the entire business world a bad name.
It’s so strange. It as if I have grown out of having the need to be a certain style, to dress a certain way or present myself this way or that. I have grown out of having to prove anything, out of being so far to the left or so far to the right, I have been both of those extremes in my life. I no longer need to make a statement or get attention, or to fight for this or that. I have settled here, right in the middle, right were I am, just myself, no excuses. I am who I am…in the moment…no certain protocol, for once I am not afraid to be myself, and it is so liberating. I recognize that all of life is in perfect harmony, and I have faith in the unfolding plan. I have faith in peace, evolution and love. My friends are not all the same, they don’t hold the same practices, ideas the same types of jobs. Some are on the grid and some are off. Some love shopping and things, others have chosen to renounce all things material. The most beautiful part about it is that I am all of this, all these people who are my friends, we walk in many different worlds together….variety is the spice of my life, and unified we are.
For all my Cancerian friends, and for everyone else who is feeling the effects of these deep and powerful emotions that may be arising from deep within. As you hop into this boat which rides the tides of emotion rippling and effecting within as without you will recognize that there are intense moments of chaos filled energy, tears, and sometimes screams, there are moments of grief that finds you broken down on the floor, and moments of joy and gratitude mixed with uncontrollable outbursts of laughter... this is life, this is who we are, these amazing bubbling emotions. This is what makes this journey so exciting with these ever changing tides of feeling. Feel all of it! enjoy the emoting, become the emotion, let it all out however feels best for you, because only you know the best way for you to release. Enjoy it, enjoy the love, enjoy the pain, enjoy being human and being together. I am so happy to be here. I love all the amazing people in my life and I am so grateful we can share in this amazing drama called life. Through the good times and the bad...I love you.
Be open...and free to be yourself...whoever that is. It is beautiful.
This world is filled with so many perspectives, none is right or wrong...and the truth is different or each person. Through being open minded, tolerant, and respectful of each individual and their own truth we can truly live in love, the love and peace we have been searching for, where EVERYONE is included. It is my goal to be selfless enough to relate to everyone no matter who they are...what they believe, where they come from, what they have and do not have. To listen and to consider, and have compassion for them and their lives whatever they might be going through. To be the type of love that is grounded here, that is present and unconditional, through life's ups and downs. With eyes wide open to see the beauty that lies within our differences and to be mesmerized by all there is to see, how all the different shades and colors go together so beautifully. If everyone was like me, there would be no me, or you, it is through our individuality yet our sameness that we meet in perfect balance.
It’s sayings like “an eye for an eye” or “if you can’t
beat them join them” or “what goes around comes around” that keeps vengeance and hurt perpetually spinning forth and keeps us in this warring mindset.
This is how we stay
stuck and lose ourselves, secretly hoping and wishing that someone pay for what they have done TO us in the name of fairness and “justice”. But we
are all learning and have different perspectives, and the bottom line being who
are we to judge? Really? to judge another’s path and what they are doing?
So I asked for the veil of illusion to be removed from my
Well, you always get what you ask for. Often times to reach clarity you have to go through
deep pain and confusion as you must bravely and courageously face the ways in
which you have been lying to yourself. When you are trapped in illusion (maya) you
are lying to yourself about what really is, the reality and the truth of this
moment and your circumstances. Although
so painful, this sort of discernment cuts right through to the core with laser
focus to see what is really there, this is lifting the veil.
You know that little girl…the one that lives within me
Yes, you met her last night
So sweet and pure and unassuming
You know that little girl that has been beaten by people
The one that has been stripped and broken by this world
Raped by the cruelty of men and women and all alike
Violated by course action
Pierced and stabbed by sharp words
Providing those who spew them with silent power
Plumaged by sick minds
Secretly feeding on all that is pure