“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
-George Bernard Shaw
Here I was with laryngitis once again, as a matter of fact for the 4 or 5 time in the last year. I began to get extremely bothered by the fact that this kept happening to me, but then I thought “Wait a minute, instead of resisting this illness, I am going to try a different approach, and embrace it, fully feel it, andfearlessly face it head on“. Mr. Laryngitis obviously had something to tell me, it was time I listen. So there I was in a battlefield of blankets, a messy house, hot tea and honey.
First I’ll go into a short description about energy. According to Albert Einstein, e=mc2 or in simple terms, energy is matter. We are all just energy concentrated into matter, that matter being our human bodies. Our energy bodies are composed of 7 chakras otherwise known as spinning wheels of energy. Each wheel corresponds with an emotion, element, color, physical functions or dysfunctions. If the chakra is effected energetically or emotionally, it has physical consequences, often resulting in “dis-ease” of the body, or in my case, laryngitis. My laryngitis was caused by a dysfunction in my 5 chakra, otherwise known as the throat chakra or Vishuddah in Sanskrit. The fifth chakra is the chakra of will and communication. Through communication you make choices which all have consequences:
“The fifth chakra is the centre of choice and consequence, of spiritual karma. Every choice we make, every thought and feeling we have, is an act of power that has biological, environmental, social, personal, and global consequences. We are everywhere our thoughts are, and thus our personal responsibility includes our energy contributions.“
I completely cut myself off from the outside world and I spent a few depressingly low, but much needed days in the depths of laryngitis, in search of the brutal truth. I realized throughout the years I have not been communicating in the “right way”, as I focused on detaching from my ego, I was able to pinpoint the cycles of miscommunication throughout my life.
My perception of a majority of my relationships goes a little something like this: I make the choice to take on the role of the “strong one”, the one who is always moral, thoughtful, giving and listening. Naturally, the other person feels comfortable with me. Then the person begins to need me too much because I have chosen to give too much. If the person needs me, I’ll drop everything over and over again, ignoring my own needs, and yes, even my own family’s needs at times. I start to feel victimized, as though I am getting nothing in return, not that I would even allow the other person to give me anything, let alone ask. I am transformed into the “Poor Me“, the one who always gets the short end of the stick. Because the amount I give far surpasses the amount the other person is giving, the relationship becomes imbalanced, making me feel hurt and angry. I throw out “passive aggressive” hints and get so frustrated when the other person isn’t getting it. I search for comfort for “Poor Me” and talk to my other friends about this person and how shocked I am that they are treating me this way. I become more cross as my other friends validate these feelings, yet the other participant in the relationship is not even aware that there is a problem. The anger I am feelingturns into negative energy towards the other person. This sparks a perpetual ball of karma and energy that comes right back to me, keeping me stuck in this same stagnant dysfunctional cycle. Eventually, I build so much resentment toward the other person, I choose to end the relationship, usually by distancing myself because I feel they are taking advantage of me and not acting as I feel they should. I am not kidding when I say this, but I realized that a majority of my close relationships have ended this way. In my last article, I wrote about how I didn’t talk to my Mom for almost 2 years because of this same scenario.
O.K. so then what is the solution? With a little more quiet time, listening to my highest self, the magical word flashed bright as day into my consciousness, “boundaries”. Yes, boundaries. It’s time that I decide what I will allow and what I will not allow. No more feeling bad about setting boundaries: it is time I grow a backbone. If I can drop everything for other people and their needs, why can‘t I do the same for myself? People will understand and if they don’t, then maybe it’s time to move away from the relationship, but at least give the person an opportunity to respect your boundaries. I always say that if you can learn to give yourself a break, you can also learn to give others that same break. If you are going to take responsibility for yourself and your health, that also means taking responsibility for the choices you make for yourself. Make the right choices to prevent yourself from getting angry and sending out negative energy, which only comes right back at you anyway. You can do this by creating boundaries, the “right kind” of communication. At the end of the day, it’s you who needs to live with you, so love yourself and take care!