Neither situations nor people can be altered by the interference of an outsider. If they are to be altered, that alteration must come from within.
I have wondered why I have always had a bully, or someone whose mission was to finish me. One of my first encounters was in middle school, I made the mistake of calling this brawny freckle faced girl (being as polite as possible with the description) a bad word, and from then on it was her mission to torture me. At the end of each school day, the bell would ring, I would sprint out of class and race to the bus hoping I’d get the first seat closest to the driver, in case she decided to strangle me, or poke me in the eye with a pencil. I sat nervously, with my house keys clenched in hand knowing as soon as the bus stopped, I’d be darting home like a speeding bullet, praying I’d get my door open in time so my bully wouldn’t catch me and ram my head in to the asphalt. I was tormented and terrified by this bully, and she knew it and loved every moment of it. I was this tiny little pencil legged girl, I was so emaciated that I would wear leggings under my jeans, just to appear of normal size. I didn’t stand a chance against this raging bull, I would be snapped in half, and I was well aware of this, so I spent many middle school days with my stomach in knots worrying about my survival.
Looking to my Dad for a little sympathy, in a desperate moment of need, wanting only for him to rescue and protect me, I asked him what I should do, and he looked at me, and said with the toughest of LOVE, “Well if the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again, then it must be something you’re doing”. Those words crushed my heart like an iron fist, it was as if the entire world crumbled around me and I was the only one left. This was the last thing I wanted to hear, how in the world did I deserve this? How was I responsible? It felt so unfair.
Years went by and I found myself encountering the same “bully” in different genders, shapes and sizes. In the work force, I constantly found myself going head to head with that same person, needing to be right, needing to win, needing to be the moral one. Luckily we were fighting with our minds now, I no longer had to worry about being beat up, I had to worry about being sued instead! Haha.
I remembered the words my Dad had said many years ago, and I wondered what it was that I was doing to create this bully situation? It’s said that your life is like a reel that plays the same relationships, problems and circumstances over and over again until YOU do something different or change your perspective. There is a great quote by Wayne Dyer that says, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.
I was constantly fighting for justice, fighting for what I BELIEVED to be right. I felt like I was being attacked by everyone, continuously on the defensive, taking everything personal. I was constantly seeking revenge and looking to get even. When really, how others choose to act and behave has absolutely nothing to do with me, nor is it my business. It is not my job to tell anyone how to live, or act or how to be. It is not my place to INTERFERE in their lives. Their lives are their own. I was only fighting fire with fire and making the situation worse by getting involved. I was no better than the bully, trying to force them to think like I want, no matter how my approach was, even as kind as I thought it was, my intent was always the same, to get them to see it MY WAY.
I learned that the only positive thing I can do in these situations is to stay true to myself, and to have compassion for the person, and how they must be feeling inside, and to wish them peace and love. This is all.
Now I realize how much energy this fighting took away from me and that I don’t HAVE to do anything. I can keep my energy, and use it in much more productive ways like cultivating a loving and peaceful world.
I am pleased to announce that since I have made the change in perspective, I am now living a bully free life and enjoying every moment.