“The greatness of a man’s power is the measure of his surrender.”
So many changes are flowing through my life lately, issues that seem to be threatening my stability and foundation. These issues rip me back to my young days when my stability was constantly disrupted by some sort of crisis, drama, or dysfunction. I was always forced to move to wherever seemed to be the most tolerable at the time, until it too became intolerable, and then I’d go somewhere else.
Driving back from a friend’s house who lives a ways away, gave me a little time to quietly think. Actually not so quietly since my mind was a jumble of thoughts, rapidly scattering worries all around like confetti. I was so anxious and confused because I couldn’t figure out a way to arrange these pesky thoughts and get them under control. If it was up to me I’d have every thought and circumstance lined up in perfect order with an itinerary for my life’s progression. This would allow me to be completely prepared for each occurrence and guarded from change.
I mustered through these thoughts, realizing there was no way to control them, I felt helpless as my breath grew shallow allowing for anxiety to creep in. I have put blood, sweat, and tears into trying to control the outcome of various situations throughout my life, only to be left disappointed time and time again. I was so tired of working so hard at it, and I thought,
“I give up, I don’t know what to do, this is too much for me to handle.” Just then, the song on the radio chimed in like a churches bells, offering me salvation with its words…“Won’t stop till you surrender”…a song called Sweet Disposition by Temper Trap.
It was just what I needed to hear at the time, it is true, and just like the song said, this madness won‘t stop until I surrender. Surrender to the fact that I am not in control. There is nothing I can do to change a thing, no matter how much I kick and scream along the way. Worrying only makes me and the situation more of a mess, clouding everything with unnecessary emotions. I thought about all the times when I have surrendered, deciding to trust, and how things had a way of working out perfectly on their own. This was proven to me just a few hours back, when I had a friend cancel plans we had made for dinner. I thought about being upset, but blew it off and decided not to be, trusting that everything happens for a reason. Just a few minutes later I received a text from my Hubby telling me he’d be off early, and asking if I‘d like to join him for dinner.
When you move out of your way and allow things to happen as they will, it is surprising how the pieces just seem to fall perfectly into place and you realize YOU don’t have to do anything.