“My last image of her will always be imprinted fresh in my mind, she was like an empty shell frozen in the moment, where time stopped and infinity began.”
I have fallen into darkness and I am lost deep within the shadows of myself. I observe the images and flashes of heartache and loss that constantly play here; this was the place I once ran to for my sanctuary. I used to feel comfortable in the darkness; I was born from it, but the shadows that once comforted me have come alive and are beginning to haunt me now. My heart weeps from the things I have seen; my body aches with the memories of all I have lost.
As I scream and fight in a last attempt to make these shadows go away, I finally succumb, knowing that these shadows are a part of me. The time has come to face the darkness and stay there for a while; to comfort and understand the vulnerable little girl that lives here, exposed and broken down by her past. She needs to know that there is no guilt and shame in feeling, even in the darkest of nights. She is worthy and open to love and can trust enough to allow and receive it.
As the little girl who has always been and will always be me emerges, the warmth of my tears roll down my face present in the organic aliveness that is my body, breath and pain. My very breath has become my sanctuary now. Breath seems to come and go so fast, so soon. I awaken to all that is; not only in its' joy and life, but also in its' sadness and death, aware that these cycles are what make this dream whole.
As I watch the unfolding of life, there is always a quiet knowingness residing in the foreground, beneath all there is, peacefully observing and reminding me that this too shall pass.
It whispers to me that everything has a time and a place; every person, every tree, every breath, every smile, every tear and to embrace every moment of this infinite always changing dream we call "life".
For this moment is ALL there IS…