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Silence by Mecka J.

 
I am sitting here, struggling with being silent.  I feel myself raging inside, wishing for someone to understand my thoughts and frustration.  Do you ever feel that sometimes, not even the people that are closest to you, understand exactly what you are communicating? It is not exactly anxiety, not exactly frustration.. maybe even just built up anger that has nothing to do with the moment when you decide to explode!  My lesson here, I think, is to better communicate with others and have patience and wisdom with my words that hold frustration.  I wish to take a deep breath, fill my soul with positiveness, and exhale with all the things that are just “racket” of emotions.. all the negativity.  I know we have all had those moments.  Like when you accidently get so mad and angry and the first person you take it out on, is your beautiful, innocent child who just looks at you with shock because they cannot understand why their mommy is so mad about the sock left in the middle of living room.  I think that’s the moment when they figure out that mommy is not so perfect afterall.  I had a wise, beautiful friend make me aware of something not so right with me, and whatever is driving me bonkers and why I am frustrated without knowing the reason.  I am not being completely honest with myself about something.  I am not allowing my thoughts and frustration to come across as often as it should.  To be honest, would be to stand up for myself and not allow others to walk all over me.  It is okay to not want to do what everyone else wants.  It is okay to be frustrated with how people act or say things.  And it certainly okay to not be smiling and happy EVERYDAY.  We are human afterall!  So my advice to you, whoever YOU are, is to say and do whatever is best for you.  Take the moment to finally say what is eating you up inside.  Let that someone know how you really feel about them not cleaning when its their turn and definitely let your emotions show on your face and be okay with not having a perfect day!  I want to end with this….Love who you are, love what you stand for and always take care of you because who else is REALLY going to love you unconditionally like that, hmmm?  By the way, I am really good at having a bad day and spilling my anger over onto the wrong person, like my kids.  But I ALWAYS end on a good note.  I apologize for my anger, give my beautiful girls a big hug and let them know that there is no such thing as perfection and we all make mistakes..Mommy will always love them no matter how mad or angry I may seem!

3 Comments to Silence by Mecka J.:

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Rhonda on Wednesday, May 11, 2011 8:51 AM
Well said Mecka. I think you have expressed what many of us expierience and that it is okay to have a moment as long as you communicate why it happened and apologize. We all make mistakes. Nice job! ~Rhonda
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LB on Wednesday, May 11, 2011 4:17 PM
I really liked reading this Meck! I can definitely relate and have been there before. And you're so right, sometimes it's hard to stand up for yourself but if you don't it may come out in other ways towards the wrong people. Thank you for sharing! xoxo-Lisa
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Mellissa on Wednesday, May 18, 2011 11:18 PM
Loving ourselves with no strings attached, we then can forgive ourselves, you are right on, we are only being who we are and it's best not to be hard on ourselves, this way we can determine why we feel, think & act as we do. In this process, we can learn to not sweat the small stuff and continue to love on our good & not so great days, thanks for sharing such honesty with the one thing we all can relate too :) Great article!
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