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My Darkest Night

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.”
 
My Dad and I had a discussion, turned full blown argument, a few days back. We really had it out, something we had successfully refrained from doing for years. My Dad was right on target as he painfully tapped each of my trigger points, like only my Dad can do. Me, being completely overwhelmed by the flood of agonizing emotions being released, felt that there was nothing else to do but cry. Then like a frightened little girl, I looked up at him and called him “Daddy”. This was extremely awkward, since I hadn’t called him Daddy since I was very little. At that moment, it became crystal clear that I had a slew of repressed childhood issues and emotions still stirring within.I left feeling truly depleted and worthless; believing that my entire existence STILL depended on what my Dad thinks of me. My rational brain knew that this was ridiculous, but my feelings and emotions felt it completely. How is this possible? I am a grown adult now with a family of my own, shouldn‘t I be over this?

It was this argument and a lot of other issues that have occurred during the duration of my life that finally brought me to my breaking point. It felt like my entire being and soul was engulfed in sorrow, anger, rage, unworthiness, etc…What really concerned me was the fact that even in my lowest hours I was always so good at seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. This time there was no light. I was stuck in the darkness of these emotions, and would never get out. I believe I was experiencing what many mystics refer to My “Dark Night Of The Soul”. This intense suffering not only effected my soul, but penetrated my physical body as well. I had no appetite. I found it hard to sleep. I felt like I was losing control of everything; including the muscles and nerves in my body. It seemed like I was unconsciously trying to kill myself. I was vulnerable, alone and helpless; screaming inside and no one could hear me.

I asked the Universe for a guidance as to what I should do next. After meditating for a few moments I picked an angel card which read “support“. I knew it was time that I reached out somehow and asked for help. Just moments after picking this card the forever faithful and present Universe who has not let me down yet, provided me with my answer. I got on Facebook and right there smack dab in the middle of my page was a post that read “Heal Childhood Traumas with EFT”. Wow! Thank you Universe, this was it! I knew the time had come that I take a good look at my childhood and to do whatever it took to shed this old, out-dated and unhealthy baggage.

I had heard about EFT from a few friends before, but never put much thought into it. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique, which is a form of energy psychology developed by Gary Craig. Similar to acupuncture or acupressure, EFT works on opening the energy meridians that run through your body. By tapping on certain pressure points you are able to release any blocked or frozen childhood traumas from your energy body; clearing space for relief and happiness once again. For detailed information on EFT you can visit Nathan Martin’s site at www.freewitheft.com.

I was given much needed hope when I read his article called "Relationships As A Mirror & EFT". In this article, Nathan explains: “The frontal lobes in our brain are not fully developed until we’re around seven or eight years old. So prior to this age, most of our sensory data is being written onto mirror neurons in the animal brain, which is the bottom half of the brain. Anything and everything gets written there; from traumas, religious beliefs and the hidden messages our parent’s lifestyle and interactions send us. Much like a computer’s operating system, this data becomes the programming through which we filter and view life and from eight years old and on, we are busy repeating these learned patterns. It is our animal brain’s job to keep us safe and secure throughout the rest of our lives; however, these childhood patterns and beliefs often no longer serve us into adulthood. For simplicity sake, we’ll call this programming on the animal brain the “ego”.

After reading this article I immediately set up my first EFT session with Nathan which is scheduled for tomorrow at 10am. I intend on giving you a full report detailing my experience. Fingers crossed that it works!


*Original artwork titled “A Devouring Moment” by Jalai Lama http://www.jalailama.com/

1 Comment to My Darkest Night:

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